Evading my heart
by G112
Summary: “You love her don’t you?” Wilson sighed with intense limitless emotional pain. House eyed him ignoring the resentment and abhor decaying within his chest; it was all because of the answer that lay within his very soul….he hated himself for it.
1. Broken

"No, the skin is too damaged, I think we should remove the burnt parts and then do a skin transplant" I said arguing with that ass of a doctor: Mark Sloan

Chapter 1

Broken

"No, the skin is too damaged, I think we should remove the burnt parts and then do a skin transplant" I said arguing with that ass of a doctor: Mark Sloan. Never to agree with me! he made me feel so inferior. Stupid attendings! I thought angrily.

"A skin transplant is too surgical…my simple yet magical touch will give him perfect skin." He said in his matter of fact tone of voice. I loathed his seductive blue eyes, his dark blond hair, and his disgustingly beautiful smirk. He made me want to shove him into a brick wall.

"You're not God, you know!" I suddenly snapped at him. "Not all you touch is cured." He stood there unaltered, as if I'd just slapped that entrancing calm away from him.

"And a skin transplant is not too surgical… what kind of a surgeon says that?" he looked stupefied after I blurted the last couple of words. His eyes widened with surprise; I guess he never expected that to come from me.

I glared at him trying to maintain that frighteningly serious atmosphere in the room. I expected him to laugh, maybe even poke me to see if I'm real; only a hologram would say that to THE Mark Sloan. I stood my ground, trying to pierce his eyes with my glare, but without damaging their sweet devilishness.

"You're freaking hot." He finally said and I was even more shocked. What?! Hot?!

He pulled me into a kiss and it finally felt right. That tension I felt between us wasn't aggressive tension, but sexual tension. Who wasn't attracted to mark Sloan? I thought as he pinned me to the wall and we kissed with more vigor.

Our lips mated silently, and I could feel how soft his lips were; was he freaking born a lover? I thought.

I pulled away and looked at him with serious eyes…I couldn't do it. I couldn't be with Mark Sloan; he was a player. But was that why I felt I couldn't be with him? Was that why I felt I couldn't be with anyone? Or was it just him?

"I can't." I simply said. He looked surprised almost disgusted, no one ever rejected HIM. But it was me! I couldn't do it, because I was the person who felt kisses should happen when fireworks light up the night's sky. I knew something wasn't right…something needed a second chance.

"Is it my being a decent womanizer? Or is it cause you can't handle not being in a relationship?" he asked knowing me too well. I hated how he knew part of the story. That part of my story that made me only feel right if I was in a relationship and that I didn't even know what the rules were to dating. I sighed as he defeated me. He defeated my exuberance and killed me by saying what he had just said. It wasn't the judgment he made, it was merely the memories these judgments triggered to flood my mind.

It was sad how I didn't feel the person in those brilliant memories silently kill me. He stabbed me right in the heart without me seeing the dagger. My lips weren't the only ones touching his; that was his wretched dagger.

"Mark, you're a great guy…actually no you're not, I'm just too much drama for your pretty little head at the moment." I calmly shoved him aside and made my way angrily to the hallway.

Why did that asshole invade my mind? Why did he consume me so? This person was not Mark, and he wasn't someone I had regularly bumped into after leaving the diagnostics staff and being transferred to the surgical staff; this was upon my request of course. You see, my heart needed serious mending because he had pierced it with his insensitivity; his ego had devoured the thickness of its walls, made it weak and brittle. I kept on wishing he'd come after me, or that he'd at least ask me to forgive him, but that was a bit too farfetched. I couldn't ask for that…at least not from him.

I got a little lachrymose and then quickly rubbed the tears away. It was pathetic; if he didn't want me then I didn't need him. And notice how he would _want_, but I would _need_. It is pathetic yet painfully true.

"Damn it," I said as I leaned to pick up my keys. The elevator was empty. I was empty.

"Here," I heard a familiar voice say. The Australian accent rang a bell in my head. An ancient bell of a past I left not so far behind.

"Robert Chase!" I squealed staring into his green eyes with a beaming smile on my face. He smiled back faintly. I felt the atmosphere grow glummer with his lack of exuberance. His crisp white shirt brought back faint yet deep memories; I felt like crying. However I never did, at least not in front of him.

"He hired me…again." He said in a monotonous tone of voice. "It was shortly after you left. He says it's because Cuddy asked him to, but I know it's because he needed something to remind him of….well of you." I felt my heart pound crazily as I heard him utter those words, as I heard him refer to the man in my memories, the man I thought to be heartless.

"How have you been?" I said trying to avoid the most important part of the conversation and the most important question that should be asked: how the egotistical maniac was.

"It's been good, I'm sorry I snapped at you before I left. I thought you had something to do with the "him firing me" thing, and well once I thought it over I concluded that you of all people are not a backstabber." I nodded agreeing to his remark and trying to induce him to feed me the inside scoop on his boss. The info I knew would either boost my soul or break it.

"You are eventually coming back…aren't you?" he asked trying to lure me back into _that_ world. I cried on the inside feeling broken and almost incomplete. I knew he could see my melancholy, feel my depression.

"I don't think so…that era is over for me." He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me, knowing it really wasn't, knowing I couldn't get that ass out of my mind.

"Surgery is…is fun." I said wavering and stuttering as I did so.

"I know you're hurting." He said this in the most compassionately beautiful tone of voice; it was almost a whisper.

"But you're not the only one."

Chapter 4


	2. Break my heart? Or break my heart?

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Break my heart? Or break my heart?

I wasn't the only one hurting. Someone else could empathize, but wouldn't. I looked at Chase with a half smile drawn neatly on my lips. He smiled back. Both smiles merely radiated relief and sympathy respectively.

"I think you shouldn't just give up on diagnostics…I mean it was your first calling, wasn't it?" it was, I thought to myself, but someone spoilt it, someone killed its essence with his apathy.

"Cuddy said losing you was unfortunate, but she never said she wouldn't give you another chance if you wanted to come back." The elevator door finally opened…boy! That was a long elevator ride, I thought, and it always is when you need closure. I didn't want to go back however the reasons to that weren't because I hated diagnostics or because I feared I would be judged, but I knew I wouldn't be able to go through it all again. I knew I wouldn't be able to watch him, live with him; even breathe him without having the urge to kill myself, to turn back time.

"Thanks." I softly whispered as I stepped out of the elevator.

"See you." He replied and the elevator doors whooshed silently as they closed.

I thought about what he said and felt my heart compress as more and more questions consumed me. I liked surgery, but it wasn't diagnostics…it wasn't mysterious.

"I don't know really, I'm just thinking about it." I said to Lexi who was one of the surgeons I got to be friends with. She eventually moved in with me and we became best friends.

"YOU CAN'T! You can't leave me with Mark and the other hyenas we know! They'll eat me alive…well actually since they are scavengers they wouldn't eat me alive, but you see that's where it gets confusing and…and I NEED YOU! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND." I looked at her and giggled subtly.

"Ok, firstly, I'm not sure about anything yet. Secondly, I wouldn't be "leaving you", we work at the same hospital and are sort of kind of bound to bump into each other and LASTLY you're MY ROOMMATE how can I possibly avoid you? Well not in that sense but you know what I mean!" I felt her argument grow weaker and weaker as mine made more and more sense. It wasn't definite! I wasn't surely going back to diagnostics. I didn't know if I was able to handle seeing him, being with him.

"He's an ass you know." She said swallowing the last spoonful of ice cream.

"I know." She was right.

"He isn't what you need in a guy…he's actually not what anyone needs in a guy." She enforced her previous point with this one.

"I know, that's what perplexes me the most. I don't get why I love him."

"Love him? After all the cheating? After all the heartbreak? I don't get you. You're worth so much more." She said in that somber tone of hers.

"Everyone has their value, but you can't measure it. You can't say I'm worth more than being with him, you don't know his worth." Well that was crap, I thought after saying that.

"That's crap, and you know it." She read my mind, as usual.

"I'm…I'm mad at him…but I don't hate him, I actually have the opposite feelings for him." I said and the night continued to fill me with the fear of what is to come.

"We need you here, for at least the coming few days. This one," said Cuddy referring to the new medical anomaly they had to solve," is quite a handful, and we want to have anyone who has any diagnostic experience on this case." It was like fate jumped ahead of me and pulled me closer. I never had to ask for my former position on the team; it came to me in a wrapped box with a ribbon on top. Cuddy smiled knowing the whole story and trying to ease the sudden surge of pain I felt as I tried to form a sentence.

"Ok," I said smiling weakly. "I'll do it."

"I appreciate this, I know it's hard for you because of…well you know who. But I know you'll do a brilliant job. Thank you." She escorted me out the door and nodded reassuringly as I walked away.

I suddenly bumped into someone and looked up to see him. His ice cold blue eyes pierced me, made me inanimate for a second. I blinked twice and then looked at him. He didn't move either.

"Sorry," I said. The word didn't sound like a word; it sounded like a combination of clumsy letters. It was awkward how he said nothing. But I knew that the next thing to come out of his mouth was either a sarcastic insult, or a bellowing idiocy that would only make matters worse. So which is it going be? I thought, are you going to break my heart? Or break my heart?


	3. slapped by insensitivity

Chapter 3

Slapped by insensitivity

Little did I know there was a third way he could crush my heart. Wilson stood right by him as fate pushed us into each others arms with a soft shove. He smiled his sheepish smile, while House merely looked at me…up, down, up, down. It was a moment that lasted a century. He then simply turned his face away and limped towards his office.

And that was the moment I realized what genre my life would be as a movie; tragedy, tragedy and more tragedy.

It was like he shrugged me off his shirt, for I was ball of dust he blew away with a mere exhale. He broke me yet again. It wasn't a surprise that he did what he did. However, what agitated me the most was his indifference, his blunt callousness.

I wanted him to mimic me, say he was sorry too; at least he could've been sorry for nearly knocking me over. But he wasn't, and I decided I wasn't either.

I left the diagnostics ward and stepped into the surgical ward feeling nude, exposed and mostly scarred. Everyone could see my scar; it was too obvious to miss. It was immense red and fresh, for he had fueled its inflammation when he walked away from me.

"Good morning sunshine." Said Mark as I picked up my patient's papers from the nurse's station. I didn't reply.

"Oh come on, don't tell me this is about yesterday's kiss!" he declared in the loudest voice I'd ever heard.

I shushed him as I felt my face burning. It was so embarrassing; I kissed the man whore.

"You are seriously the weirdest woman I've ever dated," I interrupted him quickly saying:

"We're not dating…." Then he interrupted.

"We totally are. It's called passive dating."

I decided to ignore him. He was babbling nonsense. I stared blankly into space. He was such a nuisance.

"You're single," he said and caught my attention, "if you don't get over him soon, you'll end up alone. I'm actually interested…" he was about to continue his idiotic speech when I felt I was going to burst in his face. I felt the fury as a rush going through my blood. I was hot; not Mark Sloan hot, but literally hot.

"You don't have the right to talk about him, you don't know him. You don't know the whole story. You probably heard it from a slutty nurse during sex. So got to hell." I saw his face contort into a frown then into a sudden smile:

" Boy, are you hot when you're feisty!" it killed me when he said that, because I remembered House saying something similar.

I walked away from him as I read my patient's file. Another appendectomy….great.

I slowly walked to the glass walled meeting room. It crushed me to see his white board from the outside. I went to the meeting room because today was the first diagnostic meeting to come up with diagnoses for the anomaly guy's illness.

I shivered as I placed my hand on the glass door; too cold, I thought. Once inside, I saw Chase, Forman and a woman wearing glasses. I looked into his office and saw him sitting at his desk with his red ball in his hand. It bounced off the wall and into his hands, back and forth like that. Then I looked back at the members of this awful committee.

"Good afternoon." I said as I sat down.

"How are you?" asked Foreman with a sympathetic look on his face. I hated how everyone looked at me that way; as if I was House's victim.

"Good, I'm good." After I spoke those faint words House stormed out of his office and marched up to his board.

"Notions anyone?" he asked in his clear velvet voice. It suddenly hit me; I hadn't heard his voice in months. It was so soft and deep, I had forgotten its sweet fabric.

"Cystic fibrosis." Said Chase. Suck up, I thought to myself.

"It can't be," said Foreman, and proved his rejecting Chase's "notion" with an impressive justification.

They continued to brainstorm while I remained silent. His presence made me frozen. He was there…he was tangible. He wasn't just a memory; he happened.

"Cuddy must have been high when she hired you." Said House and looked straight at me. I suddenly became a block of ice, he continued, "say something, or get out."

Someone was always out to get me, I never thought he'd ever be that someone.


	4. Slappedyet again

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Slapped…yet again

I froze, and although he broke me again, I felt great fury build up in scarily large amounts, I was about to burst.

"Well if it isn't big scary House, he can't figure out this case and so takes it out on his employees. Go paddle your ego elsewhere, because if you didn't need me here and Cuddy had made a mistake, you wouldn't still be brainstorming diagnoses. Out of Vicodin are we?"

Everything paused. Everyone paused. Chase stared awkwardly from his seat, and Foreman simply looked down. The woman's jaw dropped eccentrically as she stared at the both of us. His eyes grew wider and wider as I spoke each word; I think he never expected me to scar him…and with a sensitive issue like vicodin.

He never retaliated. We continued the meeting and I contributed subtly because my mind wasn't with me; sadly my heart was loudly present.

I was back in the surgical ward before I knew it. It wasn't a moment that lasted a century when he stung me like that with his venomous tail; that scorpion of a man.

I was looking at the doorway that separated the surgical ward from the diagnostics floor when I bumped into Sloan.

I knew what I did to him before was a bit of an exaggeration; especially after my enlightening afternoon with House. I decided to apologize.

"Mark," I said softly, and noticed his beautiful blue eyes shift toward me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. You were being…well, let's not say nice...you were being…as humane as possible." He smiled subtly. And I suddenly saw the innocence in him. Although he was a sex-maniac, he had this glimmer in his eyes when he talked to you; made me feel special.

"I'll accept you're apology if…and only if you get a drink with me." He smiled after saying that. Tempting offer, I thought. I shook my head then and rearranged my thoughts: a tempting offer? What do I mean by that? I like Sloan? I DON'T LIKE SLOAN? Sloan is…is a whore…but he's being so nice, I thought.

"Okay, I will, but it's a non-binding drink? Yes?" I nodded frantically to induce a yes out of him.

"I told you we were dating…passively." His smirk made me smile. My heart suddenly ached; I was smiling at people. I forgot about him for a couple of minutes. The couple of minutes I used to speak to mark. I wanted more of these minutes, for the feeling _they _induced was a feeling of relief, freedom.

He walked away after he winked at me. Whore, I thought. By the end of that conversation I suddenly noticed, I had a date…what do I wear?

"MARK? MARK SLOAN?" yelled Lexi as I took off my scarf and entered my bedroom.

"Let it sink in…say nothing for the coming two seconds…" I looked away waiting for her to realize.

"Mark Sloan." she finally said in a sly tone.

"Yes, the mark Sloan." I smiled at her and turned on the TV. She was following me around the room as I prepared it for our weekly movie night. I didn't really love Sloan, he was the rebound guy, or maybe just the guy…there was no rebound in this case, because I was still hung up on that coat rack of a man; the man who can not be moved.

"Sarcoidosis?" said Chase and House gave him a quizzical look.

"Was that a guess….doctor chase?" replied House in an insulting sarcastic tone of voice. I stared from a distance, and yes the word that should be emphasized here is  
"stared". I couldn't keep my eyes off him.

"It could be that the blood isn't what we should be testing, what if it's autoimmune." I said loudly so everyone could hear.

"We crossed out autoimmune like a year ago, because any autoimmune disease would act out as some kind of an anomaly in the blood." Said House in a matter of fact voice.

"Not SCID, it'll only show if we do a lumbar puncture."

He looked defeated. And I felt victorious to have shut him up, to have proved him wrong.

"It's not SCID." Replied House in a bombastic loud voice.

I was surprised, a bit startled really. I looked in his eyes and saw flames; an inferno of angry thoughts and incongruous rage.

"Why not?" I asked in a blunt quick voice.

"The patient would show symptoms of SCID if he had it, he's not photophobic and he certainly doesn't have a spiking fever, so let go of the SCID theory already! And how about we hear someone else's thoughts on this; I'm tired of your insipidity as a diagnostician." He looked large as he abased me like that, made me feel two inches tall.

I lost all feeling in my body; that tingly feeling I felt when I stood close to him was drained out of me. I was suddenly nauseous. But it didn't take too long for that nausea to suddenly turn into the same agitation I felt when he said I wasn't fit for the job.

I was very close to walking out of the room…quitting. However, I wasn't a quitter and I wasn't going to be one now and not with House as an excuse.

With all that determination came no words. I couldn't think of a tantamount witty remark. I couldn't think of anything that would stab at his ego endlessly. All this took a couple of seconds until I noticed the door behind me was open and Mark Sloan was standing in the meeting room listening to House degrading me.


	5. A labyrinthine of emotions

Chapter 5

A labyrinthine of emotions

"Very smart of you House, you can't figure out the case so you demean your team…that'll get you somewhere you misogynist bastard." Said Mark.

"Go screw a scrub nurse Sloan." replied House with the same vigor. Mark looked belligerent and eager to beat the hell out of House when I said:

"What is it Mark?" I turned to face Sloan who stood at the door with a cup of coffee in his left hand.

He handed it to me after giving House a nasty glare and deliberately saying:

"Meet you at Joe's tonight."

House simply gave me a perplexed look and one of his eyebrows rose as he stared at me with abhor, I knew this look merely masked what I wanted to believe was despondent longing.

It was sad how I read into his expressions, I wanted them to be something else and so I believed they masked the emotions I planted in him. It was sweet of Sloan to defend me, to try and fend off House. But I felt that something, bad or good, was looming, I also had this daunting feeling that House felt it too.

It was at the end of our meeting that day that I was stuck doing my paper work with House because I didn't have time yesterday due to an emergency surgery. As soon as Chase stepped out of the meeting room House decided to give his opinion on my love life.

"I guess Sloan is Chase 2.0 for you huh?" asked House in an insulting tone.

"You of all people have no right to inquire about my personal life. I really don't feel like talking to you House, I don't think I have enough respect for you to make small talk with you." What I said seemed to have no effect on him his heart was impervious, his conscience too. His expression remained the same; callous and blank.

"I guess Sloan is Chase 2.0 for you huh?" the question repeating was supposed to be funny, but I didn't have the heart to laugh; I didn't have a heart at all.

"I guess you're the new doctor slash scrub nurse for Sloan, you must be proud. Did he get to second base with you yet?" he then answered himself." No you're probably acting all decent about it and challenging Sloan to become a righteous non-"scrub nurse screwing" human being. You'll come to the "you can't change people" conclusion soon." He kept on talking while my emotions boiled on the inside with fake anger. It was fake anger because I knew what he was saying was true, I knew he knew I couldn't get over him but he, as House, was polite enough not to say this, or so I thought.

"You can't hide behind this excuse forever, you can't deny my presence. Not just because my mom says I'm special, but because I know you, and I know you of all people can't bare the thought of being so familiar, so close…and then suddenly being so apart." Am I an open book? I thought suddenly. He read me; loud and clear.

"Why did you do it?" I asked and it startled him. He was startled because he either didn't expect me to ever ask him this question or because he expected it later on in this twisted relationship of ours.

"Ready to go to Joe's?" asked Mark as he peered at us awkwardly talking.

It was an abrupt end to that conversation and now that House dodged this question ironically with the help of Mark Sloan I knew it would never come up again, and hence would never be answered.


	6. My pain and his

Chapter 6

My pain and his

"Martini?" asked Mark from his stool in front of the bar tender. I nodded. It was going to be a 'martini" of a night; subtle yet bubbly. He came back with the drinks smiling; and it hit me quickly: House never smiled that often, at least not as frequently as mark. Why was Mark smiling? I thought, was he always happy? Nothing upset him?

I began my little game of "flaw finding".

"Well isn't this an honor Dr. Smith." He said this frivolously.

"It is for you Dr. Sloan, we are yet to discover if it is for me as well." He raised his eyebrow as he laughed under his breath.

"Want to find out?" he asked and before I could answer his lips quickly touched mine and this superficial touch didn't take long to turn into an actual kiss. His fingers played softly with my hair as we kissed, it was vibrant; chemistry induced this vigor.

We finally parted. He straightened his shirt after he pulled back into his seat. I took a good scrutinizing look at him. What a beautiful man, I thought. His hair although short clearly and marvelously framed his rugged face and his eyes were the type that remained in seductive mode no matter what he did. Blue eyes…like House's. Why was everything about him? This was my big first date with mark, couldn't House be evaded, couldn't he be an era that passed.

Anyway Mark's eyes weren't as deep and weren't a well of hidden emotion like House's. House's eyes were light blue; the light blue that you wouldn't believe existed, the light blue you could only see in sapphires.

"You're so beautiful." Said mark in a quick yet sweet manner, I immediately gave him a skeptical look. "Fine I mean hot." He corrected himself; because I knew Mark didn't even have the word "beautiful" in his dictionary.

"Why would you ever think of settling for an unappreciative um….situation?" like House? I thought.

"I wouldn't." I answered giving him an obstinate glare, and then I continued" however, a clever guy like you, should check the validity of his facts…sweet of you to say though." What validity? Even I didn't know what the truth was! When House received that phone call from Stacey after clearly telling me he didn't deserve my "I love you" I merely assumed he was doing something he wasn't proud of; infidelity, apparently. I never investigated this mater any further but I definitely was good at running away from him and looking back to see his silhouette grow smaller and smaller as he stood watching me leave.

"Dance with me?" asked Mark to awaken me from that trance I was in.

"Sure." I answered and we got up to the narrow, empty dance floor. The music was loud and I felt small; the type of small you feel when you're lost and cant stop for directions because it's too dark outside. And Mark existence wasn't comforting; I couldn't just lay my head on his chest and know it'll be fine.

But we danced, my body moved subtly at first trying to get more in tune with Mark's. I finally let go, and all my inhibitions dissolved in all those martinis in my system. I felt free, almost thoughtless in a good way. The night was dragging on and mark was still there.

"Let's get out of here." He said winking at me. It must have been the excess alcohol in my system that yelled "yes let's!" because my mouth only mimicked.

"Yeah, we should." I had this strange feeling that I was only doing this for one bad reason. This reason although silly and only backed up with emotions and anger felt good. I wasn't House's girl anymore, and this would strongly instill this fact in my head, maybe even in my heart.

His lips were traveling across my neck at a studied pace. But I wanted to push him away yell that he was an intruder and that he had no right to kiss me. I couldn't though, because it was getting so messed up. I was doing this for one reason only and that was to stab House like he stabbed me…although he'll never get to see the dagger, and what's even more pathetic is that his impervious heart won't even feel the prick. The irony here is that he will never feel my pain.


	7. Eruption

**_please review! hope u like it so far!_**

Chapter 7

Eruption

I was in my car driving to the hospital and contemplating what life had brought my way. Mark is an expert, I thought, but I am not in love with Mark. In some odd twisted, sinister way, I myself was using Mark Sloan. Not for the perks that come from a relationship/date with him, but for the jealousy these perks might bring.

House was bound to know, and to inquire of course. I knew he would know and that he would say something…hurtful, as usual. And what perplexed me the most was the fact that I wanted him so badly to say something…to hurt me.

"He's having seizures." Said Chase as he came into the meeting room. His face radiated anger, frustration.

"He also threw up on my shoes." Figures, I thought. Chase never really cared for the medical part of medicine.

"Daddy'll buy you a new pair of shoes." Retorted House; uncalled for, as usual.

"Test his urine, check for impurities; poisoning causes trauma everywhere in the body including the brain." House stated in a matter of fact tone of voice. I blinked several times; my eye hurt. I didn't know why, but I thought maybe it was because I felt tears will be coming my way and also because I couldn't pierce him with my stares.

"Poisoning isn't very likely. We have been monitoring his food for the past week, anything he ate before can't haunt him now, if it was food poisoning it would've showed long ago. I think we should biopsy the liver; the iron level in his blood is too high, its cirrhosis." I suggested in a calm mellow tone.

"We will do that." Said House in tantamount calmness. "Just after the urine test, after I prove my very valid diagnosis."

My eyebrows arched in confusion and frustration. Asshole, I thought.

Chase left the room with the female doctor, Dr. Lawrence, to test the urine.

Awkwardly enough, I remained in the room with House and Foreman who was sitting at the desk searching the web for explanations. I said nothing. House didn't either. But I felt he knew. I knew he knew.

I hid behind my black hair; my bangs covered my slightly teary eyes. It was uncomfortable…being with him like that. My heart sank. He was at the other end of the room, but I still felt him near…too near. I got up to pick up some papers from his office; I had left them there the other night when we were working in complete silence.

I picked up the papers which I ironically found on the ground. A mess House had probably created for the sake of keeping his world in complete chaos. It was sad; I knew him better than he knew himself.

Suddenly, I turned around to see him standing in the office scrutinizing my face. He was reading my features. Reading behind those tired exhausted features of mine. I couldn't breathe but I stared back and wanted to simply storm out, but my legs wouldn't respond to that order. He came closer, and the proximity haunted me. Too close, I thought, or maybe just close enough?

I could clearly see his light blue eyes, those eyes of a melancholic man. His eyes cried to me in a frequency unheard by others. I could hear him loud and clear. I quickly touched the end of his shirt. I tugged at that portion of his shirt because I wanted to transfer that pain I felt to him. He looked straight at me again, at my eyes…our eyes locked.

He squinted his eyes then. And I knew he was looking at _something. _That something was not me. It was something in me, or maybe on me. It felt weird all of a sudden.

"You better get that eye checked." He said with indifference. His facial expression never changed, he remained callous and hurtful. He pulled away from me, and I slowly let go of his beige shirt. It actually slipped from my hand like the essence of "us". I wailed on the inside, I beat my fists on a wall inside my heart; I wanted to slip into some sort of an intense coma that ate at my conscious thoughts of him. I couldn't stand him pulling away, acting as if we were nothing, as if he didn't care and so I spoke up, I made myself heard.

"You're a heartless bastard." I yelled in a voice loud enough for only him to hear. Foreman didn't even turn to look at us, for he couldn't hear me. I trembled with great desperation pouring into my sorrowful soul.

"You think that by making me miserable that vicious cycle of yours is complete, and everyone is equally and pleasantly miserable. You're wrong! Sometimes misery isn't the best thing life can offer, misery and solitude are not all that life has to offer to you House. And I'm living proof that you don't have to be alone. You, however, being the pain seeking idiot you are ruined it, you literally killed it…and the sad thing is, you stabbed it so hard…you punctured it so strongly that I can still fill it in me. The reason never became clear to me. I never understood…so would you at least be kindly cruel enough to tell me why? Why I wasn't enough." I echoed. And it was sweet to echo just then. I felt like I can hear my misery, feel why I felt all that sorrow, for it all came out. It came out like a tumbling child of four falling off the stairs. I was just waiting to be picked up…healed.

House's eyes remained consistent. He leaned on his cane as he looked at me with mocking eyes. I could almost breakdown… collapse.

"You don't need me…the only reason you got into a relationship with me is because you thought I'd be the jerk who'd say I love you. And I won't be. At least not because you want me to be. I won't be the ass you brought to tears. So I advise you to grow out of that fantasy. Stop being a teenager, and look for a man who you can actually live with, just maybe after you stop screwing Sloan, cause I hear he's good." He smirked at me, and I wasn't there really…I was lost. He told me off. There was no rewind button. House had just ejected me out of his life. And I was miserable…this time _I _was alone.


	8. The denial I let go of

Chapter 8

The denial I let go of

I was furious. I felt like I was trapped in a pool of viscous fury. He seemed callous and cold, but I didn't mind because I knew I was through with him. I was through with him controlling my every move, my every thought. He was getting to be a nuisance, a hindrance in the way to great satisfaction…to ultimate ecstasy. I hated him. I hated the emotions he allowed to surge in my body. And I knew I couldn't get rid of the concept of him easily, but I knew I could…eventually.

I quickly approached him and raised my hand to slap him. His knee jerk response was him grabbing my arm mid air on its way to his face. I stared into his eyes and felt mine weaken, but I had to speak.

"When it was Cameron you pushed her away because you thought she wanted you for all the wrong reasons." I could see his face cringe as he winced. "When it was Cuddy you simply decided to be friends and forget the past. As for Stacey, well her story is too complicated and I choose not to use her as an axiom for your twisted relationships. And now it's me, and you managed to find something…to break us. You succeeded. We're through, and after we solve this case I'll be gone and we'd be done, you wouldn't have to oblige yourself to do anything with me. So I have one last thing to say to you. It's your loss. Because I loved you," I uttered those three words and he gradually softened his grip on my hand till it slipped from his grasp. Then I continued" and I wasn't waiting for you to say it back…because I understand you. I won't wait any longer. I won't hope. And I won't wish, because you never live up to anyone's expectations, let alone mine." I watched his face silently contort into different expressions that seemed meaningless yet poignant.

"You'll never give up on me. And it's pathetic to think you wont, I'm not the man you should invest all your emotions in loving. But sadly you won't listen to my advice. You'll always be in love with me." He said this and then pulled me closer to him allowing our exhalations to combine. I felt his breath on my flushing cheeks. I couldn't stand him being so irresistible to me; it was like I was that sad little wretched moth that followed the fire till it burnt its own wings. Except I didn't have wings anymore. His lips only touched mine, even brushed the surface of my pathetically blue lips. They were blue because I was terrified and in love, a mixture of both these feelings is like murder. It was like mixing two of the most hazardous chemicals in the universe in a brittle vile, like speaking of the unspeakable secrets of the sea. It was heating up and I hated him. I hated him for what he did to me…those emotions he triggered in me. His blue eyes were too near that I could taste his indifference. The depth and intricacy that radiated from his eyes made me shudder. He suddenly looked away and then said:

"You're not going to be a stimulus in my life." I pulled away a bit. "You were just like the others…and I'd advise you not to be so arrogant, because honestly you weren't anything special. So now why don't you just give up!" I was boiling with anger, with rage and ultimate wrath. I felt like volcano…why was I so dormant before? I thought, why did I let him say all that he said to me? I used to think so highly of myself and I still do…then why do I give him the right to humiliate me like he does? Why do I accept this abasing treatment from him?

I knew I was angry and that what I was about to do was a bit exaggerated. But he hurt me and I couldn't bear him not feeling any pain. So I raised my hand and quickly and swiftly slapped him.

"I don't want your advice. Keep that to yourself House, maybe it'll serve as company, because you'll always be an insufferable asshole." He looked shocked and his eyes widened horrifically. I hurt him. I hurt him physically, but I felt despondent about scarring his heart.

We were finally interrupted by Chase who entered in a rush.

"It's positive for poison, but it's not food poisoning. It's an overdose from one of the drugs we gave him." Claimed Chase as he read from the file he had in his hands.

"We think he's been taking more pills than we've been administering." Said Dr. Lawrence as if to continue Chase's sentence.

"Ladies and gentlemen we've got us a junkie." Said House pompously.


	9. And then there was one

Chapter 9

And then there was one

I managed to move on. At least on the outside because I simply wanted to forget everything, just erase all that happened between us.

"Are you okay?" asked Mark looking into my eyes…shocker. I was staring into space, and was not about to be distracted by my fake boyfriend.

"I'm fine, just thinking of…that case we're holding the differential for." I said quietly under my breath.

"Maybe I can take your mind off that…" he said this while coming closer and placing his arms around my waist. He was too near.

"Mark…" I said and he continued to pull me closer to his muscular body. The irony was that he was so beautiful and I was about to say no.

"Maybe later, I have to go now." I pulled away graciously. He was holding my hand as I moved further away from him; my hand eventually reached the height of his face because he kept holding on. He then kissed my hand and I felt a sudden chill. I should end it, I thought, it's not fair to him. I thought of ending it because I felt like I needed to be single for a while, maybe just be alone, and review the previous pages of my life.

I entered the diagnostics ward and then his office.

We said nothing to each other as I took the latest results off his desks and went into the meeting room. I sat at the cold white table and read the results with a straight face. The others hadn't yet arrived. It was me in the meeting room and him in his office. I didn't even look at him…didn't even take a glimpse.

"What is happening between you two?!" yelled Wilson as he barged into the office. He looked at me through the glass wall separating the office from the meeting room and separating my heart from his.

"Everyone's been talking, I've bumped into two nurses, three doctors in the lounge discussing why you left the diagnostics team, and how you coped after such sorrow?!" he pointed at me and I shuddered. People were talking? I thought.

"It's been like this for a week. Someone saying: poor you." He said gesturing toward me and then he looked at House with a baffled stare. And after a long pause to think of what they said about House: "Something!"

"I've been hearing about this from everyone, however ironically neither of you came to me with this. I can help; I am good at this mushy relationship stuff."

"Of course you are. You haven't been divorced…"said House then paused to scratch his head meditatively then continued: "um... You have to ask gueness for that record breaking number…right? Cause everyone else just lost count." House simply scoffed as he spoke.

Wilson looked serious; he didn't even hear House's comment.

"I just have to share my opinion on this whole mess of a situation between you two." He was about to continue.

"Uncalled for." said House under his breath. He glared at House then stuttered slowly as he said:

"He…" he pointed at House with a grave yet enthused expression on his face" is sarcastic and unorthodox and you are calm and deep…fine it's not a match made in heaven, but you two just work together, you two come together and it just all adds up…opposites apparently attract. And yes as everyone is saying he somehow cheated on you, but it's fixable and you're good for him and he is good for you when he isn't the misanthropist bastard he is…I'm just going to need to talk to you both about this." House suddenly interrupted him by abruptly and curtly getting up and limping out the office. Wilson had his arm up in the air before House left and so he just paused in apparent denial, he was more in denial than I was. He then, with a sigh, let his hand fall from its previous tense position.

"You can't give up." He said looking at me through the glass.

"You're right…sadly." I said knowing I was referring to another aspect of not giving up.

"You made him happy, less insane…and that's good, that's good for House." I quickly interrupted in a loud voice.

"BUT HE DOESN'T WANT THIS ANYMORE! HE RAN TO STACY AND NOW EVEN AFTER I COME BACK TO WORK WITH HIS CURSED TEAM HE IGNORES ME, HE INSULTS ME, HE SAYS HE NEVER LOVED ME AND THAT I BETTER GIVE UP…" I panted slightly as I calmed myself down, I finally blinked in a vigorous manner and then looked at Wilson through the glass and spoke in a soft tone of voice:" so why don't I just give up? He doesn't care enough to do anything…and if he does and is in denial or something, I am in no position to wait…I'm worth more than that… and because I'm broken…because _he_ broke me."

Wilson's eyes grew big and dismal; showing signs of obvious dismay. I ended my disgustingly sentimental speech, I was sick of talking about him, and about us. And so I decided to think less of him and more of anything else.

"I think I'm about to move on…sorry Wilson…for bursting your bubble" I got up and left the meeting room as quick as possible.

"And mine…"


	10. Well it all started with the flu

Chapter 10

Well it all started with the flu

I hate the flu.

My nose was so stuffy and my eyes were constantly teary and sore. I caught this cold from a patient who sneezed in my face, and yes it is as funny as it sounds. The patient was 5 year old, and I was wasting some time in the free clinic. He smiled at me innocently as I saw in his sandy brown eyes a reflection of his mother's exhausted facial expressions; you could tell he was a handful. I smiled back to the child as I held him in order to straighten his back and then placed the stethoscope on his chest. And you can only guess what happened next. Yes he sneezed in my face; all that was previously dormant in his nostrils was now pleasantly and mockingly splattered all over my face. The child laughed. It was not funny. End of story.

And hence I caught the flu. I was sneezing all day, coughing out an endless variety of things I daren't speak about in public. I was alternating between the surgical and diagnostics wards because it was my last couple of days in the diagnostics ward and therefore we needed to finalize all the medicinal administrations for the patient and such.

House's existence was awkwardly subtle, but so was mine and so we didn't have to interact much what with all the running back and forth from ward to ward.

Wilson tried talking to me about the whole thing but I ignored and just metaphorically patted him on the back for trying because I was simply desperate but too pompous and proud myself to make a move. Just not proud enough to not keep wishing he'd make a move.

I honestly was tired, both physically and emotionally and so I decided to simply live in another world. One that was out of everyone's reach…a world I called my own because it lived in my own mind. I was in the elevator heading to the free clinic to get a prescription for an antibiotic for my cold, because Lexi was out of town attending a conference, Chase had already left and I was just not ready to ask Fiona Lawrence, the female diagnostics doctor, for a cold prescription because if you're a doctor and your not that close to another doctor, its just awkward to do so. And so…the free clinic it was.

I chose to go to the free clinic knowing House had left early today and so I did not anticipate him being there at all.

I was in the elevator heading there when I bumped into Fiona Lawrence, who seemed paranoid for some reason. Her dark brown hair that was in a ponytail a minute ago was now a ball of hair that seemed like a halo around her head. She toyed with her hair crazily as she stared at her reflection in the elevator mirror. I was seriously worried.

"Are you ….okay?" I asked knowing the answer would not be yes.

"I'm…I'm fine, you know those days when nothing works right? I'm having a day like that. And my hair…evidently, isn't helping. See, there is this surgeon, well you know him but you broke up so I might as well spill it, Mark Sloan is too hot to be wasted, since I'm single and he is and you obviously had another muse on your mind" she winked suddenly and I was too shocked by everything else she said that I just stared at her in a very silly blank manner. Then she continued very quickly:

"I like him! And hence the hair fixing and the paranoia. Was I talking too fast or just talking too much or something of that eccentric sort?" I observed her as she ended her speech with that question and couldn't say a word. She was funny. I don't know why but I found her comical, and I liked her silly speech, it allowed me to swerve my attention span stereo to a lighter more amusing song.

"No…your situation is actually very fixable…and no need for paranoia because with Mark it doesn't really matter if your hair is perfect, he just like the female gender in general, no need for pretences, if you're a girl you're his type." I laughed as I ended my simple bland speech in comparison to hers and just left the elevator swiftly.

"Good luck with your muse." She said in a quick manner. This made me abruptly turn my head to her direction and just arch my eyebrows in confusion. People were talking about it? And foreseeing hopeful "happily ever afters"? It was very bizarre having that much attention because of that stupid, beautiful relationship with House.

I sat in the room waiting for the anonymous doctor I randomly chose by entering the room to enter. I looked around and saw nothing, it was such an empty room, I've seen more marvelous designs before, I thought. I don't know why I was in such a happy trance-like mood but I just embraced it and felt that maybe life didn't have to be so melancholic.

And then, in comes a tall blonde doctor with dazzling brown eyes. He looked tired but proud; I stared at him and then quickly realized I was staring for longer than I should be and so looked away fast.

"Sorry, wrong room" he said to me in a sweet voice. He left then and I sighed. He was pretty. I smiled to myself until the door opened again and my face went long.

"Ready for your vaginal exam Mrs. Callum?" it was House, but he didn't even see it was me yet, he was simply scanning the file he had in his hand with his sapphire eyes.

He suddenly looked up and saw me. His imperviousness didn't allow him to show signs of shock or bewilderment and so he just smirked at me.

"You know, if I actually knew it was you it would have been way funnier." I continued with my quietness. It seemed awkward enough that he was being funny, and easy with me, I couldn't act accordingly, because I didn't know how to anymore.

"What's wrong….doctor?" he asked being the funny ass he is. And I looked at him with evil eyes, or at least I thought they were evil.

"Rhino Virus, just prescribe Augmentine and let's get over with it."

"you know for a patient you're….oh wait you tricked me there…you know cause you're a doctor and all, never mind you doctors never find anything funny." He smirked for the third time and I just watched him do so. It was nice to let loose with him, although it was never really letting loose with him and he was really close so I was getting all these urges to plant my lips on his and just call it a day.

He came even closer then and placed his fingertips on the bottom of my lower jaw. Slowly and in an intentionally tantalizing studied manner he did so. And I was entranced by this, simply lost in that world that is him. His hands then moved to my neck as he felt my lymph nodes there to check for swelling and his soft movements were killing me on the inside. His breath was softly swaying like a pendulum in front of me and I was mesmerized by his blue eyes that followed his fingers on my neck. He watched my neck as I watched his stares until we locked eyes and I then looked away. My blue shirt reflected an even more sweet light blue color in his eyes and I felt rapt by it. That new color that both a part of me and him created was mine….all mine to stare at as the tension of this union escalated.

He then gradually placed his hands just above my chest in order to straighten my back for the stethoscope. He unbuttoned my first button and then looked at me with sinister eyes. I looked back with rapt uneven eyes that seemed drunk with the flu and with him. He slid his hand in with the cold metal part of the stethoscope into my shirt, and we were suddenly so close and so intimate. I took a long deep breath for two apparent reasons. Then he looked at me again and I shuddered with fear and anxiousness for what is to come. He then started to unbutton the second button when it got too close and too intimate for me to allow.

"That's as far as you're gonna go." I gradually shoved away his hand from my shirt and stared blankly at his eyes that stared back.

"Just wanted to hear how that old ticker is doing after the sexual tension you never let escape us…why did you have to be so straight?" I smiled recognizing his disgustingly beautiful humor…that just seemed to open a portal to his soul.

"See it all comes by nature, like you having to be so obnoxious and assholic," he interrupted me by saying:

"And you having to be so mushy and breakable."

"You being so heartless."

"You being so mature and plain."

"You being like a six year old and being so…" then suddenly there was this awkward silence that we both were docile to and afterwards we abided by the law of Aphrodite and kissed.

He pulled me into his arms from the clinic bed and I planted my lips on his. A perfect fit, like Cinderella's slipper. I was with him, in tune with him, and it was all so fast and deep. He pushed me to the wall and I played with his hair as he placed his hands on my hips in a beautiful reunion. His kiss was timeless and soft on my lips, I couldn't bear him being so near in body and yet so far in mind and heart.

He began to plant his lips on my neck when I just softly pushed him away and said:

"We can play all the games you want, but you'll never get to me like I got to you just now." He smirked as if in denial.

He then continued as if nothing happened.

He went to pick up his stethoscope and then grabbed his cane on the way out.

"Pick up the antibiotic tomorrow miss. The pharmacy just closed." He said as he turned his back on me and left. I stared with the biggest expression of shock drawn on my face.

Let the games begin, I thought, and that was how that day ended.


	11. Blue eyes

Chapter 11

Blue eyes

That was a nice turn of events. Funny, actually. I didn't really know what to think. I knew he apparently had feelings for me too, but should I actually do something about it? And even if I did, we both knew he won't admit to anything. For god's sake! He actually left the room indifferently.

It didn't matter now that I knew we were playing games. And be that as it may, I still knew House will always be House, and he would never play games for just the fun of it; there was something behind every little detail about him.

Those last two days in diagnostics were moving exceptionally slow. I couldn't help but feel this undeniable chemistry between us. Like we both knew. And we both wanted to do something about it.

"Is he having any allergic reactions to the drugs we administered?" I asked in a serious tone of voice.

"Why do you all have to be so pessimistic…and grave?" he scoffed and then continued staring at me…piercing me with his blue dynamic eyes. Then he continued: "Can't we just leave it all up to god? Do what god intended for us to do?" when he said the last bit of that sentence he looked at me and winked very obviously, stressing the wink in front of everyone jokingly. I bit my lips trying hard not to smile. It was ridiculously stupid what he was doing. What did he want from me? From us? He wanted it to be purely physical? It was never purely physical…ironically it was beautifully emotional and filled with such intricate sentiments.

"How about we address this situation before we do whatever god intended for us to do…things done without preparation or caution may turn caustically painful…for the patient." I said this with utmost grace, trying to convey some sort of a message to him. He had to make an effort, even if it was minute and unseen by the naked eye.

"No allergies yet." Said Chase declaring the end of our euphemistic war.

"You never know what could happen." Said House. And the games continued.

The day seemed to drag on as we played these silly games. He enjoyed them; I could see it in his eyes. But I could also see something else. He wanted me. And I wanted him too. But it was nice to recognize this reciprocated desire; the desire that is us.

I left the room in need of a drink of water, sadly the water cooler in our meeting room wasn't very functional, and so every time anyone wanted a drink of water they had to go all the way to the cafeteria and back.

Once I returned I found House and Wilson in House's office drinking coffee and talking with such vigor about something; I assumed it was something ridiculous or philosophically controversial.

"Good morning Wilson." I said as I entered the office. I was beaming today because I felt the world around me spinning after that day in the free clinic. He made me so happy and that is why I was so scared.

"You cut your hair?" said Wilson in an admirable way. No one had said anything about it, well except for Chase, and he wasn't very elaborative. House never said anything about it, but I was expecting some sardonic remark any time soon.

"Yeah…you like it?" I asked anxiously awaiting his answer. I felt my eyes grow wider with curiosity, I felt like a child.

"Makes you look like a stripper I know." Said House, I flinched after hearing that. But wow, was that unexpected.

Wilson stuttered as he tried to answer my question with more decency.

"No…it actually is very beautiful. Short hair suits you."

"Now, what was her name?" pondered House as he looked up acting like he was deep in thought.

"House…behave." Said Wilson as he left the office. He gave me a sympathetic look before he left. But I felt fine. I knew I was happy with House in the room.

As soon as Wilson left the office, House recklessly swung his arm above his desk allowing all his papers and files to descend to the ground. He smirked then.

He got up and approached me, but stopped before coming too close.

"Ready for make out session number 2? Maybe this time it'll actually lead somewhere." House looked at me as he said that. He meant none of what he said, because we were still playing games. And this game required us not to go anywhere. The chase was why this was so fun.

"But I'd hate you to stoop down to the level of making out with stripper look alikes." I shook my head cynically. "I mean, and you of all people."

"Ok fine I won't make any moves." He scoffed and his beautiful deep eyes grew smaller as he arched his eyebrows in sly devilishness. "I'll just watch you bend for the papers. We all recognize you've got this thing for cleanliness. And hey, if you don't do it, Fiona's OCD will kick off and I'll get to see someone bend for something." I watched him speak and was so rapt by him. Anything about him made me spellbound. What he was saying was sexist and evil, but I knew that behind all his words and idiocies he was loveable…he was a child.

"Well, enjoy watching someone…bend for something." I bit my lip as I left his side.

And I slightly lingered as I left his office. When I reached the door, I turned around to see him just standing there. His cane by his side, his timeless smirk, and his dark grey suit jacket making him looking handsome and prim….irony. He finally eyed me and gave me a flirty glare.

"Oh well, I'm off to the surgical ward. You never know. Maybe someone will drop a paper there." I said and smiled to him as he simply stared back at me. Beautiful eyes. I wished then that I would never be denied this marvelous thing: staring into his deep blue eyes.


	12. Dead dad

Chapter 12

Dead dad

"He died?" I asked in a loud shaky voice. Wilson simply stood there with a sympathetic calm look on his face.

He nodded and I felt uneasy and cold.

"What…what are we gonna do?" I asked more conservatively.

"He doesn't seem to care. But you know him, if a boulder falls on his head he'd just pick up his cane and limp to wherever he was heading." Wilson had this sarcastic look on his face now, but he still radiated this sympathy merged with sadness.

"He's showing us the indifferent façade he always displays. I'm sure he's feeling something, it can range from sadness to great euphoria but you know House he'll never share. So now what?" Wilson shrugged.

"What do I say to him?" I asked in a low voice trying to be gentle about the whole topic.

" I honestly don't know…But he'll have to go to the funeral and…he doesn't want to, but his mom called today and asked me to urge him to do so, I honestly don't know how to. Cuddy and I are thinking…sedation?" he made a hand gesture that simply radiated evil. Sedation was not the answer. Or at least I thought it wasn't.

"House…" I said entering his office with grace. He looked up at me and then directed his attention back at his PSP.

"If you're here to cry over my dead dad, I suggest you take the sad parade elsewhere. Wilson's maybe?" he scoffed and his snide remark echoed in my head. Why is he so heartless? I thought.

"Why don't you care?" I asked with childish curiosity.

He stared at me with his blue eyes and I shuddered like I got the answer to that dark question, or like I shouldn't have asked him.

"Good morning. And no I do nor care for your condolences because I'm a parent hating misanthropic bastard." said House to Chase and Fiona who had just entered the room.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked in a whisper.

Although I was whispering it was more of a command than a question. He got up and I followed him. He went out to the corridor and I still followed. He moved at a faster pace but I could still catch up. Then suddenly he stopped. I looked at him and then at what was behind him…it was the door to the men's room. I was flabbergasted…but then again not so stunned…it was House.

He didn't really give me a chance to say anything.

"Oh I'm sorry, did you think I was actually complying with your mushy request." He scoffed again and was about to enter the bathroom when I grabbed his arm.

"You need to go to the funeral." I demanded. His blue eyes scoured my face for seriousness…because he didn't believe what was coming out of my mouth.

"Don't do it for your father, do it for your mom. I'm assuming you're on good terms with your mom?" He still had that look of astonishment on his face, and yet with all the astonishment I've caused him to endure he still looked impervious from where I stood… Impervious to words and impervious to emotions. His eyes suddenly grew smaller as he arched his eyebrows with curiosity and vanity.

"You know you're pretty involved in my life for someone who's over me, and who is gonna be out of my life when she's done with this case…didn't Cuddy fire you yet?" That hit me right in the face and just reflected away. Maybe I too was becoming impervious to him.

"Do not deflect House. Sometimes…life isn't all about you. Go pee." I let go of his arm and turned around to head to the surgical ward.

"Fine you were right." I said giving in to Wilson's sedation idea.

"Of course I was. You actually thought you could negotiate something like this with House?" he asked in a matter of fact tone of voice.

"His brain fools me into thinking he might be socially brilliant as well as being medically brilliant." House was lying in the backseat unconscious. He looked peaceful for once, like he was on the good drugs rather than on Vicodin.

There was a long period of silence before I tensed up the ambiance by saying:

"Why do you think he did it?" it was like I spoilt the air about us, it was as if I killed whatever harmony was in the atmosphere before. What a dark matter I brought up and I felt Wilson's stammer before he even spoke.

"You should talk to him about this. Because although I'd love to have the answer. And although I'd want to alleviate the pain of his treachery from your heart, I can't. I'm not able to." It seemed awkward, like I hit him with an arrow he had been dodging for a while.

"I don't want the real true answer. I want your interpretation. You're his best friend. You're the closest I can get to his head." And that was the thing Wilson didn't want to hear…the situation he didn't want to be put in.

"Stacey is a…she's a very complicated subject, a very complicated person to him and I think maybe he just…The truth is I think he was just being House. Jenna, although it matters that you resolve this…if you ever want a normal relationship with him, you need to get over his treason. He's six on the inside, and although that's not fair to you, you need to forgive him…because he told me…" and then he was painfully interrupted by an "ouch" from House.

"Where? What?" he bellowed as he struggled to return to the realm of consciousness.

Wilson and I said nothing.

He seemed to still have some traces of sedation in him…slurred speech…droopy eyes.

"Oh…you two? Drugged me for a threesome? I never knew you felt that way about me Wilson?" good to know he'd still have his sarcasm when sedated.

"We're taking you to the funeral."


	13. Even

Chapter 13

Even

"Well since we're on our way, I'll start writing the eulogy…hmmm, he was a miserable bastard who tortured his son and…" I roughly interrupted by turning around to look at his puffy eyes and upset frown. He glared, I glared.

"You will not break your mother's heart! Poor old lady virtually begged you to come just to pay your respects to her husband, your unworthy dad. You're not there for him, be there for her. For your mother." I spoke softly in the end in order to evoke some feeling of sympathy in him, I was terrified of the fact that he might be profane in the funeral or cause a riot; it would further break his mom's heart.

He ignored my mini speech and continued his pretend eulogy:

" and he thought he was above all, and that he could demean and abase anyone he pleased, so no, no truth is, I have no respect for this man you call my father, thank you for listening mourners; is that how one ends a eulogy? Never thought of that." He continued talking to himself for another 2 minutes, he suddenly figured out we had taken his vicodin so he couldn't escape when we stopped.

"I'm in pain, constant, eternal, never ending, infinite pain! Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

"What are you five?" yelled Wilson angrily, why was he fussing about every little detail?

"Five year olds can't take vicodin…sometimes I wonder if there is something in that hollow skull of yours."

He suddenly grew silent and meditative, both me and Wilson were shocked at his actually behaving.

"Fine, I'll deliver a somewhat respectful eulogy, if you kiss Wilson." And that was when I heard the breaks loudly as Wilson abruptly parked at the side of the road.

"What?!" we both yelled looking back at his wise blue eyes.

"Just kiss him, we'll discuss why later."

"I won't." I said and Wilson shrugged in a pathetic way to my no, but I knew he didn't want to either.

" I don't mean it that way, it's just that…it serves no purpose and he's just behaving childish and making stuff up to amuse himself." I felt like I had to correct myself there, I didn't want Wilson to think I was disgusted or anything.

"I can find better ways to amuse myself Smith, trust me. It's not for my amusement, do it, you get an okay eulogy and you'll learn why after the funeral." He elucidated things in his own way, and Wilson and I simply looked at each other with utmost coy. I didn't want to kiss him. What purpose could this serve? I thought.

"Let's just get it over with." Said Wilson in a quick swift manner that seemed more worried than controlling.

And I quickly placed my lips on his and then we parted. Nothing; I felt nothing.

"Oh come on, that's not a kiss, that was you petting each other…kiss her." Said House and his voice escalated in the end.

Wilson came closer and before we kissed for the second time his eyebrow arched in confusion. This time it was more like a normal kiss. His lips merged with mine in a robotic manner and he placed his palm over my cheek as we kissed. I was actually surprised he did so, it made it seem like he actually was into it. I wasn't. There was no chemistry and my heart was beating normally, no palpitations. We parted again.

"Happy?" asked Wilson furiously.

"Actually, I'm feeling ok."

The funeral was ok. House simply delivered the most awful eulogy there could have ever been, but it wasn't as bad as I expected, there was no swearing or obscenity.

We left after House hugged his mom to say goodbye and we entered the car in anticipation for an answer.

"Well?" I asked in an impatient tone of voice. I was getting edgy; he was being so secretive and idiotic that I couldn't stand him anymore.

"Well what?" replied House as he looked over at me with sinister eyes. I couldn't believe someone so childish and immature could be so evil and manipulative.

"House, spare us the agony of begging you for the answer, just tell us." Wilson seemed strict all of a sudden and I knew that House would not stall any longer.

"Why did you let me KISS HIM?" I finally said with a stern voice and look on my face.

"Why do you think? Trust me, it wasn't for my amusement because A you're not the most compatible couple and B it's no longer so difficult to find porn on the internet."

"WELL THEN WHY?" bellowed Wilson as we drove back to Princeton Plainsboro Hospital. House came closer to my seat and placed his lips right by my ear. I felt anxious, uneven almost. He smiled seeing my discomfort and his effect on me. His eyes pierced me and I felt the urge to slap him and then kiss him. He whispered then in a velvety voice filled with cold passion:

"Because, now we're even."


	14. Ironic compliance

Chapter 14

Ironic compliance

That was his twisted "I'm sorry for cheating on you". Was I supposed to simply forget about his treason? It was House…and I suddenly remembered what Wilson told me about needing to forget about this because there was no rewind button, especially not with House. Wilson had something to tell me before House woke up, he said House had said something to him about this whole relationship thing, and I was determined to find out.

"Good morning," bellowed House poking his face from behind the glass door.

"Aint it a nice…fatherless day?" he said staring right at me. I stared back into his deep blue eyes…they defied me…my existence.

"How'd you all sleep yesterday?" asked House callously, "oh wait…I'm not interested in that…let me rephrase that question…who did you sleep with yesterday?" I smiled at him, trying to memorize every piece of him. It was so sad…I was caught in his web again, and his venom had just started to seep back into me.

He neared my side and I simply gasped on the inside. Why was I behaving like a love struck teenager? I thought. His aftershave smelled enticing and overwhelming all at once.

"Wilson has this new patient's files…." He said looking at me.

That was not simply him throwing a fact at me. That was him ordering me to get it. And I didn't want to go really, especially not after what happened.

"Pretty please…" he spoke with a phony pout on his face.

I took in a deep breath and then sighed after shrugging.

"Fine…" I said shaking my head in dismay. Fiona and Chase simply watched us interact as if they were studying our every move. I was a bit astonished at the fact that it made no difference to me…their presence and scrutiny that is.

"You're easy…I should try…" he said this and I cut him off by leaving the room and heading toward Wilson's office.

"Hey," I said after knocking the door and entering, I was too polite, sometimes I wondered how someone as tactful as I am would fall for a boorish bastard. Wilson smiled awkwardly, and got up clumsily bumping into all that was in front of him…including his desk.

"You're here…" he said, as if I was missing yesterday…as if he finally…found me.

"Yes, I am here…" I said in a confused tone of voice speaking the words slowly and cautiously.

"Is it because of…?" and he left the last word silent as if he thought the issue of me getting the file of this patient was covert and not be spoken of?

I felt awkward so I simply nodded. Maybe this patient was famous…and we were handling this secretively, I thought.

He neared me quickly and placed his lips on mine. I felt a rush of unwanted emotions…why was I enjoying this? I wasn't vengeful… I didn't really want to get back at House; the first kiss was enough to be frank. He kissed me with all his might and I felt his lips softly merging with mine, suddenly I felt safe in his arms…as if I was certain he cared. What a magnificent feeling! To feel appreciated, that is. And although I've felt that with House…it always felt ambiguous and faint, like a slippery bar of soap I never got to hold on to for so long. He stopped, and I breathed.

I looked at him with emotionally drained eyes…I felt crumpled and filled with sorrow because Wilson was simply tearing me apart. I was being pulled in two separate directions simultaneously; I was becoming weaker and more fragile under both their baggage. Wilson? House? Wilson? House?

"This is wrong…" he said cutting off my train of thought. He continued saying this and then said. "This is so wrong." He paused. I didn't love him....and so that made it less of a smart action…it never was a smart action. But he seemed to be very attached because he planted his lips on mine once more and placed his hand on my cheek in sweet compassion.

And suddenly! Interruption! A knock on Wilson's balcony door. I jolted feeling surprised and shocked and ashamed all at once, as if I was being immersed in an ocean of ill emotions.

A tall figure with ice cold eyes and a bottle of narcotics in his hand stood behind the glass door…House.


	15. The aftermath

_**PLEASE COMMENT! I already have chapter 16 written but Im holding it hostage till I get more comments....so comment! review I mean...or comment PLEASE!what do u think of what is happening in general?**_

Chapter 15

The aftermath

"Duck!" yelled Wilson swiftly and pushed me to go behind the desk, but I simply led myself out the office in a hurry. Did he see? Does he know now? I asked myself repeatedly wanting to stand in the middle of a highway to get run over by any car rushing by. That was not smart?! I thought, not smart of you Jenna!

What perplexed me the most was that I felt satisfied, satiated almost. Was it because I needed human contact? Or was it Wilson? I didn't know and didn't want to dig deeper into my entangled mess of a mind or worse… heart. My heart drowned in sudden regret and guilt…but a part of me yearned for him, for his attention rather than his physical intimacy. I wanted to talk to him. And so I knocked the door acting as if I had just arrived to his office.

"You…" said House as he opened the door. "Private party" he spoke softly but rudely as he shut the door with force I stopped him by placing my palm on the door's slippery surface to force my own strength on him.

"The patient is mentally ill." I said eyeing Wilson from where I stood next to House. Obviously he didn't see. The tension each of them exerted into the air simply suffocated me.

"He tried to kill himself because he had…" I searched his file for the pain he was experiencing, "abdominal pain?" I said this in question form trying to evoke their accordance.

"This patient survived cancer last year, he's been my patient for years now…he's not mentally ill." Wilson suddenly started to make sense, his logic never got through to me, I usually only understood twisted dark logic…the kind that comes from House.

"He's a nut job…" said House arguing with Wilson. And the irony now was that House and I were on the same page when really…we weren't.

They continued their conversation until House and I left.

"You kissed Wilson." Said House bluntly and I sank…was it in denial? In regret? In tears? I didn't really know because at that moment I was lost in both his sweet blue eyes and his soft unintentional touch on my shoulder.

I didn't react trying to make it go away. So he saw?

"It's okay…I _asked_ you to." THANK GOD! He was talking about the car incident when I felt nothing. His bulging eyes stared at me in condescending arrogance. I still loved him…and it hurt.

"Yes that's right…that was you're "I'm sorry"" I said this with such strength trying to spite him. I wanted him to feel everything I felt when he broke me…when he indented my soul…my heart.

"I don't say sorry…" he said this in a mellow indifferent tone of voice as he stared into my scorched eyes…the eyes he scorched, and then he limped his way back to his office. His scent remained…haunting and taunting me at the same time, that scent of pungent denial…of sweet bliss.

"Yes you do!" I said, like a fanatic child, as he got more distant…I actually yelled this and he didn't pay attention. Someone else would've paid attention…someone else would've cared. Wilson would've invested time in fixing this…in putting the shards of our bruised relationship back together.

I pushed the door to his office open, Wilson's that is. And quickly I burst into tears like this kettle that was just about to whistle…like a rock just penetrated my glass house, ironically. It wasn't something I could help, I just felt the biggest urge to explode…to erupt. And I did…Wilson rushed toward me, I felt like injured prey as he enveloped me with his strong arms. My tears flowed endlessly onto his white shirt. I was broken and was now leaking onto the person who would fix me…as silly as that felt, I knew I was right; Wilson would fix me.

"I'm sorry." I said as I whimpered. The only reason my emotions were flooding all over was that fact that House had been building this up in me ever since we met, I needed him to understand that I was still in love with him and that I needed him to conform to his love toward me…the one deep inside his subconscious, one that should migrate onto his sleeve. I also was fond of Wilson; that feeling he evoked in me was so sincere, so warm and sweet to experience in its safe disposition.

"shhh" he shushed me trying to rock me to satisfaction…and its true, I was so soaked with grimy pain that I needed someone to purify me and to finally just awaken the me I lost a year ago…the year I met him.


	16. In hiding

Chapter 16

In hiding

He stroked my hair as he pressured my head softly to his empathetic shoulder.

I had stopped crying and now simply appreciated that longed for embrace, that sweet enticing feeling…the type that wasn't based on illogical circumstances and shifty emotions.

"Thank you..." I said this and breathed or sighed maybe, I closed my eyes then, and blinked to find him still there. Maybe that was what drew me to him; the fact that you'd close your eyes then they'd bloom to observe him still there, still kindhearted.

"I care for you," he said while placing a few strands of hair behind my ear, he then continued, "This is not purely physical…" he scoffed his Wilson scoff after saying this.

"But how? Why?" I said suddenly trying to solve the equation of serendipity in my mind.

"I don't know," he said speaking with great compassion as he chose his random words carefully and cautiously. His brown eyes followed me, scoured my face for a…scar! Yes a scar…as if he was looking for what remained after House…the mark he left.

"I'm broken Wilson…if you're looking for strength and optimism…you won't find it in me…" I spoke softly too as if the moment required us to be silent in our words, as if we needed to respect the sorrow of today's love.

"You're not broken, just drained," he said in such a wise voice. I placed my palms on his chest feeling his strong presence; he was not my type…not even close. I touched his essence to verify his existence, I never knew a man like this. He even felt soft, like his soul projected on the outside. I touched the fabric of his shirt and felt meditative, as though I'd fly away to this far away cloud…a cloud called security and passion…requited love that felt real…that had a taste that remained on your lips like a life long kiss.

"Kiss me…" I said as my irises shifted to find the flaw in him that I was yet to find. And our lips touched again, this timeless kiss made me an impenetrable entity; one that would withstand the most forceful winds…the most razing gusts.

We kissed and it never ended. It happened to be one of the most heartfelt kisses I have ever felt…not the best, but one which simply radiated love and compassion not ambiguity and a maze of emotion. He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me closer to him; my fingers were in his brown locks playing frivolously yet passionately with his smooth thick hair.

And one thing remained to be done, one thing that would break the world with its force and significance; but we never did, because as he said it was never "purely physical", I even resented the fact it was close to "physical". Words needed to be said…so I said them in dismal anticipation for his answer; what needed to be done was my words to be said…nothing more…nothing less, nothing physical. Just me, Wilson and the sweet compassion he would confront me with after my words.

"What now?" I asked with a broken smile on my face and a survivor tear trickling down to my lips, he stopped it with his warm, startling thumb. His finger was on my lips now as he said:

"Now…we hide this."


	17. My Vicodin

_**PLEASE REVIEW! I'D SOOO APPRECIATE IT! REVIEW SO I DONT PRETEND TO HOLD CHAPTERS HOSTAGE AND THEN RELEASE THEM AGAINST MY WILL! PLEASE...REVIEW...**_

Chapter 17

My vicodin

After a few days Wilson and I remained in hiding with House hovering about in both my life and mind. I couldn't help but think about the fact that I was betraying him…just as he did to me, but different and more scornful. I was still so deeply and madly in love with him, he was like a curse that clung onto my soul and never let go. My love for him remained immutable and constant, however in hibernation, in slumber…latent as the sun at 5:00 am…but looming.

I sat with Wilson at lunch when House joined us all of a sudden with a smirk spread all over his face with evil intent.

"Since when do you two have lunch together? What do you even have in common other than…well…that handsome diagnostician dude you're both in love with? Either you're doing each other or buying me a joint gift." He smiled and then took a bite of my sandwich which I put down for a second to drink some water. His light blue eyes shimmered as he stared at us both in suspicion; Wilson scoffed at him trying to make any accusations vanish into thin air.

" We play tennis together," I said in a shaky voice, I gestured with my hand as I did so trying to make everything sound believable, it was as if I was on stage and everything seemed to need a hand gesture for authenticity.

"Tennis is like sex." House's sentence flowed into my body like a shock of electricity! Why was he playing with our emotions? Or was it the other way around?

"Why," I stammered and gulped then continued," Um…would you say that?" my heart sank yet again. He leaned on his cane even as he sat placing his chin on its handle.

"To make the conversation awkward, seeing as the two of you are behaving so…normal." Wilson smiled then looked up at House and said:

"House…not everything revolves around you…your presence doesn't have to be a stimulus for awkwardness."

"You do it with both hands, right?" my lower jaw dropped and got blinded by his abrasive sentence. Did I hear him correctly?

"Holding the racquet …you people have got such dirty minds…" he shook his head vigorously as his eyes were wide open in fake astonishment as he said that. He was twisting his words into the latent inexistent innocent. He smirked and I smiled at him, it was as if his smirk radiated this invisible force that automatically persuaded a smile onto my face. There was this hidden agreement between me and him; this secret contract that made it clear that we were each other's stimuli and that anything one of us does has a brilliant response in the other, we were one, an odd combination that created one.

"Friendship…House…that's all that is between us….of course you wouldn't be familiar with this sort of relationship, because you either do blackmail," he said pointing to himself, "or awkwardly messed up." He said this while pointing at me.

House gasped: "He just called you messed up! Quick grab his sandwich, we'll hide it in Cuddy's cleavage." I laughed silently and stared into his bottomless eyes, so deep you'd be afraid to snap out of a staring contest with him. I still loved him, and would do anything for him, but he built that barrier of negativity and isolation around him making it so difficult to touch his heart…or did that already happen?

All three of us headed to the patient with a death wish. He had ruffled locks that were dirty blond; he didn't look like a suicide case, except once I looked harder I saw those heartbroken, miserable, masochist green eyes. The black saggy bags beneath them reminded me of someone I knew; I felt he had a secret death wish, but was too in love with himself to go through with it. I stood unaltered as House neared me and decided to make me immensely numb and elated at the same time. He whispered in my ear:

"For some reason," He said in that velvety voice, "I find you very sexually arousing today, with all the tennis talk and whatnot." I shuddered at his sentence, his voice began to echo in my head and Wilson began to fade for an instant although he was standing right there…right by the patient's bed.

"These are doctors Smith and House." Said Wilson gesturing toward us with his right hand; I smiled at the patient with a death wish, and wished for one just like his.

"So we heard you're a fan of…masochism and suicide," bellowed House to the frail patient who looked like he would collapse at any moment. House popped a pill and continued his limping toward the patient.

"It wasn't aimless…I wanted to see what I saw last time I died for 90 seconds…I wanted to experience death again." House's eyebrows rose at that patient's confession, I knew House thought he was crazy, especially since he was referring to something abnormal and very much related to religion; House's anti-vicodin.

"You're absolutely insane…what do you think comes after death, meadows? Heavenly chocolate fountains?" his tone was very sarcastic and greatly hurtful to the patient. His blue eyes darted toward me and he said:

"Ask Doctor Smith for directions…seeing as she has a very wild imagination, maybe she'll guide you to the chocolate factory." I frowned as I glared at him. I wasn't upset, just reacting to his actions again.

A half hour later Wilson and I were chatting in his office, something about our past and how it reflected onto what we became and what we are today. House came up, and I couldn't but keep talking about him with Wilson.

"I miss him," I said to Wilson whom now I wasn't afraid of hurting when it came to this matter because he knew that my bond with House will never fade.

"Maybe this was a mistake." He mumbled these tedious words under his breath to me.

"Maybe it was," I replied trying to sound as if I agreed, I myself didn't know how much of a mistake this was until House invaded my mind again, or maybe he never left.

" Maybe it's just the fact that you're too in love with him, and I'm not good at backstabbing," I wanted to retort when he simply made a hand gesture denoting that there was no need for me to apologize or elaborate, he then continued, "no need, I understand, you were weak, you needed me…and I used you. We used each other, maybe now we can move…" and we were both interrupted by the sudden flinging of Wilson's office door and a panting Chase who had a disturbing message to deliver; a barrier of bad news as usual.

"He crashed," he spoke in between short breaths, his blond hair seemed to be chaotic and as ruffled as it can get. His grave green eyes haunted me all of a sudden and I felt my heart drop.

"The new patient?" I asked somberly as I quickly got up and started walking fast toward the door with Wilson right behind me.

"No...House." and I felt my blood drain slowly out of my body as I became weaker and weaker by the second, my heart got cracked all of a sudden and my eyes retained endless tears and soreness as I rushed to save the one thing that kept me sane…Gregory House.


	18. Electricity

**_I am literally on my knees begging for reviews...help me! so I'd actually think of finishing this fanfic.._**

Chapter 18

Electricity

"What do you mean?! What happened?" I asked quickly as we ran in to his room, I was near tears as I spoke, but I was able to hold them back because I wanted to save him, I wanted him to be ok, so I could finally tell him.

"He stuck a knife in his electrical socket." Said Chase is a dismal tone, Wilson scoffed angrily as he moved swiftly with us through the hallways.

"As some sort of a sex joke?" asked Wilson in a light tone.

"How the hell is this funny at this moment James?" I echoed in the hallway as we rushed past a few nurses in pink scrubs.

We entered his room and he lay there with his blue eyes hidden behind his unconscious eyelids. I quickly rushed to his side and helped them as they brought forth the paddles and charged them with might. I felt some electricity go through me, metaphorical electricity that killed my inners…I could no longer feel anything as I saw him there on the hospital bed. I pitied him, and couldn't breathe for a second.

"Clear…" yelled Chase as he lifted the paddles in an attempt to revive him, to retrieve his soul. I looked away trying to delete all of these black memories, these poisonous thoughts and happenings. His body flailed as the paddles hit his chest, but still his heart remained frozen, the blood wouldn't flow.

"Clear…" he said again and his voice began to fade in my head as time became nothing, and I stood bearing a blank stare watching them revive me…revive my sanity and love. His heart didn't help as it stayed still. I whimpered silently as I watched Chase slowly put away the paddles.

"NO! NO! YOU IDIOT! NO! YOU CAN'T!" I wailed feeling my throat and vocals become scorched. Wilson approached me trying to embrace me when I pushed him away and grabbed the paddles myself. I charged them and blurted out a frightening clear before I placed them on his chest….still nothing. I wiped my tears with my sleeve as I charged them again and took in a deep intermittent breath, I raised my arms and pushed the paddles onto his chest one last time feeling both the electricity and my power drain into bits of nothing as I gave it my all.

And he coughed this small pitiful cough; that was my electricity, the electricity that induced my wailing cries into an instant guffaw. I cried still as I put my arms around him in denial. I could sense Chase's indifference to it all, and Wilson's shock. I suddenly saw everything as images turned from blurry to vivid and life transformed from dim to luminous.

I looked up at him and saw his broken blue eyes staring back at me.

"YOU IDIOT! I THOUGHT I LOST YOU." I spoke in between loud untamable cries.

"I THOUGHT I LOST YOU." He placed his palm on my back. And although he did so, I felt it was unintentional. I loved him.

"House, you son of a bitch." I whispered trying to regain my strength.

"Never…" I said continuing my previous sentence as I placed my hand on his cheeks trying to feel his existence after being scared to death for losing it a moment ago. And I never continued that sentence because he understood; however I didn't know if he would comply with my silly wishes.

He said nothing for a while and I simply fell asleep on his chest after such a scare, I felt my body give into his sedative and I soared high in the world of slumber. And I slept for quite some time there with my cheek to his chest…but that seemed to be too peaceful…too serene, because after a while I heard him mumble something and then:

"So you're done screwing Wilson now?" he said in a tired unsteady voice. I felt my body jolt under the effect of that sentence, suddenly…I was awake.


	19. The aftershock

Chapter 19

The aftershock

His question, as if it were meant to push me away from him, really did so as I got up with a furious look consuming my facial expressions.

"You deserve it…and you don't have a right to interrogate me about this! You lost control with Stacey, why don't I get to lose control every once in a while? Aren't we on and off all the time? Aren't you always so fickle about everything?! About us?! Do I suddenly matter now?" I was flaming, my cheeks felt like I was in an inferno of a room and I felt myself flush for scornfully destructive reasons. He simply sat up slowly and looked at me as if I was crazy, and maybe I was. Maybe I didn't have a right to say what I said, to unravel like that in front of him. His hair was eccentrically ruffled and his eyes looked extremely bloodshot; all in all he looked like he had just fallen off a building, or like he just ODed on something.

"So that's a …..Yes?" he said callously shaking his head slowly as if inducing an answer. His eyes squinted as he spoke, and that was predictable, everything about his facial expression was carved carefully in my mind.

"Seriously? You're trying to be funny now? House you are an ass! And yes, maybe I was wrong to be vengeful but you deserve it, you deserve…." I yelled this trying to make it sink for him, but he looked like he was consumed in his own world of analyzing my encrypted speech.

He interrupted….yet again:

"Vengeful?" he asked rhetorically, then he continued: "you weren't vengeful…you fell for Wilson; which is awkward on so many levels," he rolled his blue eyes then continued: "seeing as he's not me and all, but you did." I was blushing in that awkward moment, trying to remain serious, but I couldn't, because on some level, that was that truth, I had fallen for Wilson. He then continued:

"And I expected you to…it was my plan all along…you being you, needed to break down some time, and you needed to have your own infidelity moment, it really has been tough," he said that last sentence with fake concern, he even pouted, " and who better than Wilson to cry to, to complain to about me. And hence you fell for him, and in time he became too Wilson for you…Too anti-House …and here you are, in the same stupid trap you fall into all the time." he stopped there after saying that with such a light tone of voice and a matter of fact attitude about it. I felt the urge to punch him, to beat the hell out of him, because he made me his own little experiment, he made me go through infinite pain and hurt for him.

" you are a jerk, an ass with nothing better to do than torture people who care for you…you deserve me cheating on you because with Stacey…" and that's when he decided to interrupt me yet again with a bellowing voice that startled me endlessly.

"I haven't seen Stacey in two years…stop obsessing over Stacey…" my eyes widened horrifically as I received the shock of my life. Hasn't seen Stacey in two years? But that means… I thought quietly trying to add things up.

"What are you sick? Then who….? Why? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you come after me?" I randomly threw words at him as I tried to make sense of everything…suddenly the world stopped and I couldn't function knowing everything was about to collapse on my head: Wilson, my misinterpretation and lastly his intentional letting go of me….of us.


	20. Evasion's dreadful brother: Escape

_**This is the last chapter...Evading my heart is now done with...:) I hope u enjoyed reading it...now that I dont have anything to threaten u with I will simply just ask for a review since its over, that is if uve enjoyed it...please tell me if u think its worth me writing a threequel..:D thank u**_

Chapter 20

Evasion's dreadful brother: Escape

What did he expect me to say? How could he have done that? He pushed me off the cliff of sanity and into the bottomless pit of skepticism and loss. I didn't know how to react…but obviously he did.

"You left, because you assumed, and so I didn't think it was all worth me running after you if you had a wrong preconception about everything…you did this, finally I can tell you to stop blaming me, and start blaming your small minded obsessing over every little detail and every little thing. You see deception everywhere…maybe you _are_ better off with Wilson; he's too boring to deceive you…unless you marry him." I couldn't say a thing, he was wrong in so many ways but this wasn't one, he was completely right when it came to this story, but there was this little part of me that felt it wasn't all on me, the blame didn't have to fall on me completely.

"I read Stacey's name off your cell as it rang a year ago, are you saying that wasn't Stacey? Are you saying everything that happened…had no reason to happen?" I stammered as I spoke the last words I said. I couldn't think straight, it was like he was my secret opium that made me so high I couldn't speak, so high I couldn't move, so high I couldn't breathe. And now we were in the same position we were in a couple of years ago, he was right in front of me, being the egotistical, pitiful jerk he was, and I was entrapped and entranced in the cage that is him. His blue eyes broke me, again. And suddenly, I felt Stacey wasn't really the issue here, I didn't care about neither her spiritual nor her physical presence in our lives.

"House…I…I…" I said this and stammered after a long pause. And I came closer to him. I sat on the side of his hospital bed and placed my hand on his covered leg. I wanted to radiate this vibe of warmth to him, because I wanted him to feel safe with me. I wanted him to be sure of my loyalty…irony. I had nothing to say obviously, because he left me speechless, he made me inanimate for a moment…frozen for life.

"House, I'm only human…" I was about to continue my speech when:

"Smith, I think you're an idiot…" and it was my turn to take the lead, it was my turn to corner him…so I kissed him, and I felt him all of a sudden, I felt his soul near mine. I felt his lips underneath mine, soft and quick as I gave him everything; my dignity, my life, my time and sadly….my heart. Everything went numb or alive, our lips felt right together, it wasn't like Wilson's kiss, and it was more intense, more heartfelt…like a longed for desire that fell from the sky; a desire soaking wet with the history of a thousand lives. He kissed back and his ruffled hairs felt soft as my fingers traveled through his hair. I closed my eyes harder and pressured my eyelids as my palm descended from his face to his shoulder. Our lips slowly parted and the ecstasy gradually drained out of my body. His sapphire eyes looked punctured…like my heart was…like our whole situation was.

"Wilson…" he yelled all of a sudden and I shuddered. Wilson entered the room gracefully seeing as he was standing outside talking to Cuddy.

"You can keep screwing her…" he said callously and I couldn't breathe anymore…our kiss's effect faded drastically and I gulped hard.

"House…" I said and my voice suddenly went away.

"Oh I'm sorry…I forgot all about your self respect and self confidence…you can keep screwing him too...now get out." His facial expression grew somber, frighteningly horrifying. And I felt like I was suffocating, choked with tears…breaking down…into worthless smithereens.

I looked at him for one last time…and there he was, blue eyed and beautiful, but suddenly he was disgustingly beautiful…the type of man you'd love to kill but wouldn't because your lips wont let go of each other. His sharp tongue pierced my soul and I got up and left. But he never left me…because deep within I knew it was partly my fault…and maybe it never was…but I claimed responsibility of my reckless act…and I…I never stopped loving him.

As she left the room Wilson looked as confused as he'd never been. He reprimanded House with his eyes…as if he hated him for his bilious façade…the one everyone saw through. But Wilson knew the truth, even though he despised and resented it for a cornucopia of reasons, a rainbow of justifications. Wilson was fighting his own demons just as House was…and although he was so despondent and broken Wilson asked and with a clear vivid tone of voice that House was never able to forget:

"You love her don't you?" Wilson sighed with intense limitless emotional pain. House eyed him ignoring the resentment and abhor decaying within his chest; it was all because of the answer that lay within his very soul….he hated himself for it.

And he said nothing. His bloodshot blue eyes only stared at Wilson with guilt radiating from their very essence…just as Wilson had expected…and that was enough…that was the answer.


End file.
